Vinterforelskelser

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Weekendavisen den 2. marts 2018.

Debut. Anton Willemann prøver hårdt at være tænksom, følsom, intellektuel og eksistentialistisk. Alt for hårdt.

Anton Willemann: Rastløse bevægelser. 148 sider, 249 kr. Roman. Byens Forlag.

Det er ikke fordi, han ikke kan skrive, for det kan han. Det er ikke fordi, han ikke har noget på hjerte, for det har han. Problemet er debutanten Anton Willemanns overophedede litterære aspiration og mega-metabevidsthed om at være et skrivende menneske, en vaskeægte forfatter.

Rastløse bevægelser er en bette kollektivroman om en gruppe venner i København. Fortælleren kan vi vist godt typebestemme som forfatterens alter ego, i hvert fald hedder de begge Anton Willemann, det er helt i tidens autofiktive toneklang, da capo, da capo.

Historiens dramatiske højdepunkt indtræffer, da Antons ven William begår selvmord. Et par sider inden har Anton vinterbadet i Svanemøllen sammen med sin kæreste, og han konstaterer: ”Jeg er forelsket i vinteren og i gaderne og i stjernerne”. Nogle dage efter finder han William på badeværelset, ”badet i sit eget tykke blod”. Pludselig krydsklippes mellem selvmordet og vinterbadningen. Så samler scenen sig igen: ”Hans blanke øjne kigger op i loftet. Hans venstre underarm er skåret op fra håndleddet og op til overarmen.” Og så kommer denne sætning igen: ”Jeg er forelsket i vinteren og i gaderne og i stjernerne”.

Gentagelsen må jo betyde noget særligt. Men hvad? Vinteren spiller en symbolsk rolle som en frossen, livløs årstid. Gaderne spiller en rolle som Byen. Stjernerne symboliserer vel et blik ind i uendeligheden, noget der er større end os selv, et håb. Per aspera ad astra, som Seneca sagde. Til stjernerne via vanskeligheder.

Anton Willemann stræber tydeligvis efter en lækkert indfølt skrivestil, som her i en køkkenscene med en af Antons tunge marmormortere. Han tænker på William: ”Jeg vil gøre alt for ikke at miste dig. Jeg tænker altid, at jeg er kemiker, jeg er en ægte alkymist, når jeg står og kværner krydderurter eller dressinger eller en pesto. Når jeg kværner en krydderurt, forandrer krydderurtens tekstur og form sig, men krydderurten er stadig en krydderurt. Jeg bruger oftest morteren til at lave vinaigrette. Et hvidløg, groft salt, lidt eddike og olivenolie. Morterne er tunge nok til, at de bliver stående på bordet, når jeg pisker olie eller æg. Vækkes jeg at mit bankende hjerte, sveden på panden, går jeg ud i køkkenet, og jeg får lyst til at banke en af morterne mod mit brændende ansigt.”

Bank bare løs, var jeg lige ved at sige, og ræk også mig en morter, for arabesken skal bankes af sproget, som rust af skroget. Anton Willemann kan faktisk skrive, men gid han ikke var så forhippet på alt Det Store i Livet, gid han ikke var så opsat på at skrive om at skrive og skrive om at føle. Gid han ikke skrev: ”Og jeg vil bare skrive en bog om kærlighed. Det er alt, jeg vil”. Gid han ikke forfaldt til at skrive, at han skriver på sin notesblok, at ”kedsommeligheden er uendelig og god”, for det får mig til at tænke: ja, i hvert fald uendelig. Og gid han ikke konsekvent fejlbrugte ordet ”ligner”, når han mener ”ser ud som om”, for eksempel her: ”Det ligner, at de har tilbragt det meste af deres liv i bådeklubben.”

Anton Willemanns prøver hårdt at være tænksom og følsom, intellektuel og eksistentialistisk. Alt for hårdt. Se bare romanens titel, Rastløse bevægelser. Den er jo formuleret af en litterært stoltserende hane, der skyder brystet frem for at høste hønsegårdens imponerede anerkendelse. At personerne flyder gennem storbytilværelsen i ungdommens ansvars- og rastløse bevægelser, skal vi jo selv erfare os til, forfatteren behøver ikke at lægge nøglen under måtten. Jeg prøvede virkelig at holde af romanen, men jeg havde ikke evnerne.

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